positive affirmations

Positive Affirmations for You to Use the Week of November 7th – 13th

Hi friends!

I hope you’ve had a good couple of weeks. The last month has been kind of rough for me, and I took a break from Instagram and blogging. Unfortunately, just over two weeks ago, we had to say goodbye to our beloved family pooch, Thecla. Thecla had been part of the family since I was sixteen, and I’m so grateful to have gotten to emerge into adulthood with my sweet girl. She was so loved and is dearly missed.

The time leading up to and following her passing was extremely difficult, as we knew that she was passing, but we didn’t know when exactly, so my anxiety was on high alert for a few weeks. I also of course was grieving Thecla’s loss following her death, and because of that, I was very overwhelmed and in survival mode. But, I’m starting to see the light and it’s getting a little easier to be alive again.

With that being said, I’m back to blogging and sharing weekly affirmations! Starting today! Yay!

*Most* Sundays, I share the affirmations on here (and on Instagram!) that I will be using for the upcoming work. I share them in the order that I will be using them (1 is Sunday, 2 is Monday, 3 is Tuesday, etc.) and then share them daily on my Instagram story. Of course, I hope that you will use them in whatever way works best for you, whatever that means to you!

I hope you make sure to take some time to rest and take care of yourself today, and I’ll see you next week!

You are worthy of your love and kindness!

  1. I trust in myself.
  2. My well-being is always a priority.
  3. I am going to be okay.
  4. I am growing.
  5. Not everyone will like me, and that’s okay.
  6. I always prioritize self-care.
  7. My worth is not dependent on the appearance or size of my body.
body positivity · Health at Every Size · mental health · personal life

Why I Want to Change My Relationship with My Body & Food

Katie, a fat white woman, is laughing with her hand on her hip. She is standing outside and wearing denim shorts and a light purple top.

Trigger Warnings: Disordered eating, intentional weight loss, emotional abuse, self harm, suicidality, suicidal thoughts, mental illness.

When I was a kid, diet culture was a family tradition. Almost every adult around me had a toxic relationship with their body and food. I was surrounded by sugar-free candies, Sweet-N-Low, I can’t Believe it’s Not Butter, Skinny Cow, Crystal Light, and diet sodas. In fact, I really thought that Sweet-N-Low and Diet Sodas were “adult foods”. Like when you become an adult, you learn to drive… and bein putting Sweet-N-Low in your coffee and drinking Coke Zero instead of regular Coke.

Hating your body and having a toxic relationship with food was a normal part of adulthood in my eyes. I watched my grandmas and parents and aunts try Atkins and Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and go from Pilates Classes to Zumba classes. As a kid, I was always told that (despite being “chubby”) my body was perfect, but when you see the adults with body similar to yours doing everything they can to change them… even kids are smart enough to read between the lines.

When I finished meals, I would sneak food at night. I would quietly slip downstairs and binge eat whatever food we had. I had come to learn that the less food you could survive on, the better. So anything more was shameful and done in secret. This binge eating behavior was one that has followed me throughout my life.

It also didn’t help that as a preteen, my gramma brought me to Barnes and Noble, told me to pick whatever book I wanted, but then presented me with “The Diet for Teens Only”. True story. She also would insist on healthy snacks when my sister and I visited while my grandfather snuck us candies and ice cream. This was just more proof to me that eating foods like this was something that should be done in secret.

I’m not blaming my relationship with my body on my family. I truly believe that they were doing the best that they could, and diet culture is a cruel mistress. I just think that it set the foundation and core belief in my life that fatness is to be avoided at all costs. Of course, being bullied in high school and being very aware that I was the biggest of my friends throughout my life.

Advertisements

In 2016, I lost a substantial amount of weight. And honestly, losing that weight felt like it was proving my beliefs true. Around the same time I lost weight, I was in my very first relationship, I had moved to a new state, I got to travel to Europe, I graduated from college, I was making new friends, I received more compliments about my appearance than I ever had before…

Advertisements

And I began telling myself the story that I had bettered myself. I was better because I was thinner.

But life wasn’t as perfect as it seemed, even to me. My relationship was far from perfect, and to keep and maintain the weight loss, I was barely eating and exercising for hours a day, while still binge eating in secret. I asked my ex if he would still love me if I gained the weight back, and his response was “You won’t gain the weight back.”

Because of this, I was terrified to gain the weight back, and was doing everything in my power to continue losing the weight and keep it off.

But surprise surprise… the weight loss was not sustainable. Especially after experiencing trauma. I gained the weight back.

And in the years that have followed, I’ve gained more and more weight.

When I underwent more trauma in 2019, I gained weight. When COVID hit and I was isolated for almost six months, I gained more weight.

But despite this all, I don’t want to try to lose weight. What I’ve learned is that my story is not unique. Oftentimes, weight loss is not sustainable and the majority of diets are unsuccessful or unsustainable.

Something else I’ve learned is that when we talk about the importance of health, we need to include mental health in that conversation. Mental health IS health. If I push myself to try to lose weight, is there actually a war for me to do so without sacrificing my mental health? No. There’s not.

My relationship with food is still difficult. I still struggle with binge eating, specifically using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism. I’ve realized that emotional eating isn’t bad in itself, but when bingeing is used to excessively numb emotions… that’s the problem (at least personally.).

This leads to guilt and shame, and oftentimes, guilt and shame lead to more binge eating. It is such a vicious cycle.

Advertisements

But this is why I am actively trying to improve my relationship with food and my body. My body has been through so much, and she does so much for me. She also happens to be fat. Why is it that society is so hyper-focused on the fat part instead of all that our bodies are capable of?

Why is fat considered one of the worst things a person can be?

Advertisements
body positivity · Book Reviews · Feminism · Reading

Book Review: “You Have the Right to Remain Fat”

As I’ve talked about in other blog posts, I am a fat woman. I have always been “chubby”, but now, as an adult, it’s clear. I am fat. I have always been fat. And recently, I’ve been introduced to fat acceptance and liberation, which, in a nutshell, are the philosophies that fat people have the right to exist and live their lives without feeling pressured to change their bodies in any way.

You Have the Right to Remain Fat is a collection of essays by Virgie Tovar in which she shares her experience as a fat child and woman, particularly as a fat BIPOC. Using personal anecdotes, with a healthy sprinkle of statistics and studies, Tovar explains her journey from hating her body to loving it. Yes, even while fat.

While I read this book (mainly in the bathtub, which I’ve decided is the best place to read this book), I was struck by how many of Tovar’s stories that I could relate to. From the backhanded compliments (such as “You have such a pretty face!”) to feeling pressure from family members to shrink our bodies to the connection you feel when finding a community of fat women, Tovar’s stories show the universal experiences of fat women everywhere.

I found this book in an Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size Facebook group, where it was recommended among several other books I hope to read in the future.

Reading this book brought me a lot of self esteem and appreciation for my fatness. I find myself saying things like, “I’m so cute!” while looking at my tummy in the mirror, and even bought a few new bikinis! This book should be required reading for every fat woman, and honestly, every person. I wish more people understood what it is like to exist in a fat body, because if that empathy could be found, maybe fatphobia would finally disappear forever.

Rating

Rating: 5 out of 5.
body positivity · Feminism

Why I’ve Embraced the Word “Fat”.

Fat. The word is – no pun intended, but also, yes, definitely intended- heavy. It is almost always used as an insult, and never said as a compliment, or even just a neutral statement, unless, of course, you’re an adorable, chunky baby.

At least that’s how it was for me. When I was a little girl, my momma was fat. She would talk about her body in an unhappy way, an almost regretful way. She didn’t like her body, and I knew that. Although, I did. I loved how when I cuddled into her, she was soft. She felt welcoming, safe, secure. I never thought badly about her body. But fat was still a bad word.

Fat was what I was afraid of becoming as a child. I was always overweight, but I was active. I played soccer and softball and swam competitively throughout my childhood, so even though I was chubby, and I was definitely aware that my body was bigger than my friends’, I never really felt fat. But still I received unwanted comments about my body. I was known as the “smiley, chubby girl” by my favorite librarian, and my grandmother bought me a teenage diet book for my birthday one year.

I was surrounded by fat family members desperately trying to change their bodies. I have vivid memories of going to my grandma’s house and being disappointed to see she only had sugarfree candies in her candy dish. My parents and many members of my extended family also use, and as far as I can remember, always have used, artificial sweetener. In my mind as a child, it wasn’t a diet thing, but an adult thing. I remember being surprised when a friend’s mom drank regular soda instead of diet soda. I didn’t realize that diet foods weren’t just something used because you were… well… old. Diet foods were used as an antidote to existing or feared fatness.

Flash forward to now. I’m an adult, and my body looks just like my mother’s did when I was growing up. And sometimes I’m angry about that.

But then I remember the loving way I used to think about my momma’s body. How I loved her softness and hugs and cuddles. And so I try to extend that same love and appreciation to my own body.

In Pitch Perfect, the character Fat Amy introduces herself as just that. Fat Amy. When I saw it in theaters everyone laughed at it, because she is a funny character. But now as a fat woman, I see how profound it is.

Fat Amy says she refers to herself as Fat “so twig bitches like you don’t do it behind my back.”

By referring to herself as “fat”, she is taking away the word’s ability to hurt her. It is no longer an insult. I want to reclaim the word fat, the word I was once so afraid of being used against me. Now, when people try to make fun of me for being fat, I laugh. It isn’t new information. I am indeed fat.

By embracing and being open with my fatness, I am taking away the word’s power to hurt me. I am taking away fatphobic people’s power to hurt me. If I love and accept my body, my fat, beautiful body, just as it is, I am actively working against the fatphobia I saw and experienced in my childhood and throughout my life. I refuse to be afraid of my body and the way that it looks.

And so I say that I’m fat. But I’m also beautiful. And smart. I’m funny and friendly and optimistic and passionate. I will no longer see my fatness as a flaw, rather I see it as something that is beautiful, and a gift.