mental health

24 Reasons to Stay Alive

If you’re anything like me, you’ve struggled with the darkness that is suicidality. I wish I could say that those dark thoughts aren’t a part of my life, but the reality is that they are. And sometimes, they’re scary and overwhelming. They can sometimes be hard to see past, and the thoughts make it hard to see any reasons to stay alive.

But, there are always more reasons to stay than to go. If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, or need a reminder that there is always hope, this is for you.

  1. For all the people who haven’t had the honor of meeting you yet.
  2. There are so many cookie recipes you haven’t made yet.
  3. There’s going to be new seasons of the Bachelor and the Bachelorette.
  4. To see that movie you’ve been looking forward to.
  5. To dance to your favorite song again.
  6. All those hobbies you’ve thought about starting, but haven’t yet. Pick up those knitting needles!
  7. To laugh so hard you cry. Or snort. Or both.
  8. To see another sunrise and sunset.
  9. To buy or bake yourself a cake on your next birthday.
  10. To feel the sand between your toes at the beach again.
  11. To go to all those places you’ve always dreamed of going.
  12. To see a woman president.
  13. To light a candle and drink tea while reading on a rainy day.
  14. To read the next book your favorite author releases.
  15. For the next episode of your favorite podcast.
  16. To see the next album that your favorite artist puts out.
  17. To see what fashion statements come back in style next.
  18. There’s a book out there that will touch you so profoundly that you have to put it down and catch your breath.
  19. To pet all the dogs you haven’t pet yet.
  20. You haven’t met everyone who will love you.
  21. What if you haven’t found your true favorite food yet?
  22. To dance in the rain again.
  23. To see the Wicked movie they’ve been talking about for the past decade.
  24. To see if it gets better.
beauty · body positivity · Lifestyle · mental health · Uncategorized

How I’m Learning to Love My Body… by Changing Things About It?

Okay, so maybe that title is a little click-baity. I’m not trying to change my body by surgery or a diet, or even exercising. Nothing exciting, really.

I’ve just started to do some things that, when I look in the mirror, make me go, “Oooh, girl you fine!” I’ve always had a very complicated relationship with my body. I grew up fatter than most of my friends, and was very aware of that in my pre-teen years. This year, I discovered Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size, and honestly, it changed my life. I know it’s easy for some people to switch their mindset and eat intuitively, but for me, it’s like I’m rewriting a very long, very well known book. And in a way, that’s exactly what I’m doing.

But it’s a long and difficult process for me, personally. So when I was furloughed in March, I decided it was the perfect time to dye my hair pink. And when I looked into the mirror after rinsing into the dye, I was so excited to see my reflection. I don’t know the last time I felt that way.

So since the, I’ve continued to dye my hair pink. I bought big chunky earrings that usually aren’t my style. I even bought clip on nose rings. And even though I’m fat, and I’m re-learning that fat is not bad, I also am embracing myself, and I feel like my personality is shining through.

I look into the mirror, and I don’t see bad. I don’t see worthless. I see a girl with a nose ring and pink hair and rainbow earrings and I feel excited. I love the way I look.

Obviously there are still days that I don’t wear the earrings or nose ring or do my makeup (that’s another big one for me. I feel unstoppable in a full face of makeup.) and my hair is gross and I feel gross, but by reflecting my inner self to my outside, I know that it’s okay to have those days. That Katie with the clip on nose ring will be back.

And she’s ready for a revolution.